The Intelligence of Motherhood

For those of you who knew me in high school and college you will probably recall me being a little bit anal about my grades (okay, a LOT anal). If it wasn't an A, then it wasn't acceptable. Straight A's was my goal and strait A's was pretty much what I got. I'd nearly have an aneurysm if I thought I wasn't going to get great marks, I was likely to claim that my parents were going to kill me if I didn't get perfect grades (which was FAR from the truth, they just wanted me to do my best and I interpreted that as being strait A's or a failure).

Back then I could carry on an educated conversation about Piaget's theories or I could compare all different types of reading programs. I could remember several different mathematical formulas and use them correctly or I could analyze Beowulf and poetry with ease. I can't do these things any more, but I don't feel that I am any less intelligent.

I realized that my mode of intelligence was changing about a year ago. I was back in Utah visiting family and I was playing a good old game of Boggle with my little sis. At the time my sister was right at the beginning of her college career and fully emerged in the tests, the grades, the papers, and the hard work that goes into obtaining a degree of any sort. Well, she absolutely SLAUGHTERED me round after round after round. We were both surprised at her conquering due to the fact that only a few years before I had been the queen of Boggle in our house. Our family would play it often and I had finally gotten to the point where I could even give my dad a run for his money. To have my little sister beat me time and time again was crazy! Until a few weeks ago I just thought this experience was sure evidence that I was getting dumber since the time I had replaced my backpack for a baby, but now I like to think that the type of intelligence that I use is what has changed . . .

Now, instead of being a master at getting good grades, attending classes, creating lesson plans, writing papers, and taking tests I am becoming a master of intelligence in motherhood. Here are just a few of the things that I believe makes a mother quite an intelligent person:

1. It really takes a lot of thinking and organizing to get a husband, two girls, and myself to church each week. This may seem like a simple task, but it requires a diaper bag packed full of snacks, reverent activities, diapers for two, extra clothes, and plenty of other stuff. Then there is the church bag packed with scriptures, lesson manuals, and whatever is needed for our callings that week. I have to get myself and two other little bodies bathed, hair done, and dressed. While my husband is quite helpful, he is easily distracted and can often be found playing with the toddler on the living room floor rather than putting her shoes or coat on. When all is said and done, it is always a small miracle to be seated on time at church each Sunday.

2. Then there is the fact that a mother can multi-task. No one but a mother knows what it is like to get dinner ready, keep a toddler entertained, make a few phone calls, and hold a fussy baby all at the same time.

3. A mother of a toddler is also quite creative. We have a whole bunch of tricks up our sleeves for all sorts of situations. For example, when your toddler gets an "ow-ee" we have several ways to deal with the wailing. There is always the element of distraction in which you simply distract the toddler by asking them if they want to go watch a show or go on a walk, leaving the toddler to quickly forget about their despair. Or, you could use what I call the "tough kid strategy" that my dad always used with us. If the "ow-ee" isn't serious you can always point at the wall that the child ran into and say "Look, you didn't hurt the wall". This leads the toddler to quickly study the wall rather than wail about their imagined bump. You could also try hugs, kisses, or a band-aide. I didn't realize how much these methods had sunk into my toddlers little head until she took a pretty hard stumble over her chair a few days ago. I anticipated wailing, but she quickly returned to her feet, set the chair strait, patted the chair and said "Chair ok", she kissed her arm better, and then turned and asked me for a "and-id" (band-aide).

4. A mother is also a developing expert on patience. We get a healthy lesson on it each day when the toddler decides that the bleaching pen is a toy, when the baby blows out all over EVERYTHING right before you are walking out the door, or when a trip to the store turns into nothing short of a circus!

5. Finally, there is nothing like a mother's love. Unless you have been a mother you will never know that overwhelming feeling of gratitude, awe, and love that can overcome you for no reason when you simply look at your children. You know you would do anything for these little people that you have brought into the world and that you will gladly spend the rest of your life worrying about them, loving them, and guiding them.

So, in short, a mother is in training to be intelligent in a different way, but still in a VERY important way. There is nothing like motherhood to stretch you to your limits to become a better person than you ever dreamed. We feel like failures at times, but in the end if we have helped to nurture some of Heavenly Father's children we have done something truly intelligent.

So, how have you become more intelligent since you became a mother?

What They Never Told Me About Recovery

The top five things that I NEVER knew about recovery:

1. I would leak from every hole my body has! I know, I know, its SO gross. I sweat more than ever between nursing a baby on hot days and chasing a toddler around the house (why I need to exercise to get back into my old jeans is beyond me?). Then there is that runny nose that I got from my husband, who got it from our toddler, who got it from the nursery. They are both over the cold, but not me! Unfortunately my body requires rest in order to fully recover from a nasty cold and rest just isn't apart of my life right now. Then there are the boob leaks. Gotta love those moments when your nursing pad has soaked through leaving you with a good sized circle on your chest, and then there are those moments when your baby yanks off of you because your milk lets down too fast, this results in both of you being sprayed in the face and the soaking of both of your clothes. Oh, and lets not forget about the fact that you bleed for about six weeks postpartum and you can't wear a tampon! (I HATE pads - I feel like I'm in a diaper all day.) I'm just grateful that I am no longer vomiting . . .

2. Then there is nursing. All those books you read before you start to nurse really downplay the pain of nursing. They tell you you will experience "some pain" until your milk comes in. First of all, it isn't just until your milk comes in, secondly its not just "some pain", "some pain" sounds bearable. What they need to say is that you will be curling your toes, biting your tongue, squinting your eyes and wanting to yell out because not only does nursing create some painful contractions, but it also feels like someone is trying to twist your nipple off with a pair of pliers. Then there are those wonderful moments when your baby startles while nursing and rather than simply spitting your nipple out, they pull back while still chomping on you, stretching your nipple out like a rubber band - yeah, that hurts. We won't even start on the possibilities of blisters, bleeding, thrush, nipple confusion, and who knows what else.

3. The exhaustion. There is just nothing that compares to the exhaustion of a newborn.

4. Movement can be a little bit difficult for a few weeks. You must remember that you are recovering from a little body coming out of an even smaller hole. That creates some discomfort for your sitting and walking moments for the first few days (if you're lucky, many women go MUCH longer). The best is when your excited toddler runs to give you hug only to accidentally plow her little head into your crotch - that doesn't do much for the recovery (I was very grateful for strong pain medications at that moment).

5. You will most likely be an emotional wreck. Things that usually don't make you cry will make you sob, and things that usually don't make you angry will have you wanting to pull your hair out. And the entire time you are being irrational you will know that you are being irrational and that will make the tears come harder. You will all the while feel like you are the only human being going through this . . .

While this all sounds horrible, don't be discouraged - it is SO worth it. Seeing your baby smile, coo, laugh, crawl, and all that good stuff makes it all alright.

Kenzisms - Poopy Diapers

Since Jordyn was born MaKenzie has become quite fascinated with poopy diapers. Any time that Jordyn makes her little gassy noises, Kenzie is right there to assess the situation. She promptly places her hands on her hips, bends at the waist, takes a good loud sniff, and announces (more like shrieks at the top of her lungs) "Ew, siser inky, poo-ee" (translation: "ew, sister stinky, pee-oo-ee").

Well, this funny story turns into an embarrassing one when mommy is the one passing the gas and you are in a public place. We'll just leave it at that . . .

Its Nice to Know . . .

Its nice to know that I am not the only mother who feels so completely exhausted that my eyes sting, my body aches, my throat hurts, I can cry at the stupidest things, and my under eyes are a permanent shade of purple.

Its nice to know that I am not the only woman who can get so frustrated with an energetic, crazy toddler that I just want to shake her at times; and then that I am not the only mother who would then burst into tears wondering if I am a horrible person for feeling so angry with such a little person.

Its nice to know that I am not the only mother who feels completely stretched out at times. Between my toddler's needs, my newborn's needs, my husband's needs, the houses needs, and the apartment management needs, it can seem impossible to even remember what my needs are.

Its also nice to know that someone else knows how it feels to just want FIVE MINUTES to yourself to just go to the bathroom, answer a phone call, or send an email.

Its nice to know that there are other women out there who WANTED this and CHERISH this even though it is the most exhausting, frustrating, confusing, and demanding job that one could ever have.

My girlfriend Heather was in town all weekend and it was just nice to chat endlessly and remember that I am not the only one going through the demands of being a mother to young children. I'm not the only one who loves this job one moment and is so frustrated with it the next. Women need women so that we can share and feel the comfort of knowing that if you've felt it or done it, then there is someone else out there who has felt it or done it too.

Mess #3,255

I didn't think I would have to post about messes again, but Kenzie has given me plenty reason to do so . . .

This morning Jordyn woke up at 5:15, after I got her back down I decided to take a shower rather than lie back down. As a result of my early morning shower I was quite exhausted by the time I had gotten Kenzie fed, bathed and ready for the day. So, I turned on "Dash" and went to lie down in my bedroom.

After about thirty minutes of napping I hear my daughter right next to my head whispering "Mommy, Mommy". I open my eyes to the most incredible sight I have ever seen. The child was CAKED with diaper rash cream. Every inch of the left side of her face was completely covered, each of her legs had a generous helping, and her left arm was also completely caked in cream. I walked out into the living room to find the carpet, her little chair, and the television covered as well. It was horrendous! I must say I was quite upset at the sight of it all and the necessity of cleaning it up. I keep finding new spots to clean as the day progresses.

I know I will FOREVER regret having not taken a picture, but the camera was in the room the baby was sleeping in and she was close to the end of her nap, so I didn't want to risk waking her up and have her screaming her head off while I had to deal with Kenzie. It didn't occur to me until it was too late that I could have gotten the video camera, but I was a little too frazzled to remember that.

Before I could even say a word about the mess, Kenzie was pointing at the chaos saying "no, no!" THE CHILD KNEW SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO DO IT! UGH!

My first attempt at cleaning the mess was baby wipes, but they hardly did a thing. So, we headed to the bathroom for yet ANOTHER bath. I tried to lather up lots of soap suds in order to get the blasted stuff off, but that didn't work either. We ended up resorting to good old fashioned scrubbing. My child's skin was red by the time I had gotten it all off and she was wailing at the top of her lungs. By this time I was dreading the attempts to remove it from her clothes and the carpet. I scrubbed at the carpet for fifteen minutes and its still plastered to the floor. I am PRAYING that the carpet cleaning man will get it out. Plus, I am really bummed about the cute outfit I had her in. I need to stop buying cute clothes and just let her look like a hobo child so that I don't care when this happens . . .

The best was that just as I was getting the mess somewhat cleaned up the baby woke up for a feeding. Well, that little stinker fell asleep while feeding and over fed herself; so, we all knows where the extra food goes - ALL over mommy, the floor, and the rocking chair. NONE of the spit-up got on her? It was by far one of the worst spit-ups I have ever experienced. I had to change all of my clothes (underwear included) and wash my hair again, not to mention more scrubbing of the floor and the furniture.

Oh boy! What a day! It's only 10:30 and I am going to take the day off. Kenzie can watch WHATEVER movie she wants, have WHATEVER snacks she wants, and I am going to rest WHENEVER I feel like it, and I am going to try really hard not to feel guilty about the pile of laundry that I was wanting to tackle today and the toys that are now scattered ALL over the house. We were going to attempt an outing today, but I must say I just don't feel like putting all the effort that goes into getting out the door with an infant and a two year old.

In the midst of the messes I was texting my family about my crazy morning and my dad reminded me that many years from now I will look back on these times as some of the best in my life . . . we'll just have to wait many years to see about that! :)

Lesson Learned: No matter how toddler proof you think the house is you are absolutely wrong!

"Great, now I have Guilt"

Anyone who has a toddler who is obsessed with all Disney-Pixar films would know that "Great, now I have guilt" is what Rex says after the toys from Andy's toy room push Woody off the moving truck . . . ah, the things you learn as a mother.

Last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking of the guilt that all mothers seem to feel. It really doesn't make sense that we feel this guilt seeing how we are really quite a spectacular group of people. We give of ourselves in every single way possible. We sacrifice our time, our bodies, our talents, many luxuries, and who knows what else for our kids who we love so much. And we do it with very little complaint. In the end our work turns out to be the greatest that anyone could offer. Behind every great leader, every inventor, every good person is a mother who made sacrifices in one way or another (even if that mother was a lousy mother they at least gave that person life and went through the pregnancy and birthing process!). Now, I don't mean to be one of those "Praise me, I'm a mother, and you should appreciate it all that I do for you" kind of people. I only wish to point out that when all is said and done we really do some remarkable things as mothers, and all the guilt we feel for all the things we DON"T do is really a waste of time and emotion.

For example, in the last few weeks of being a mother of two I have felt guilty for the following:

1. Pressing play on the VCR too many times. My toddler has scenes from her favorite movies memorized and I manage to feel guilty for that quite often. I disregard the fact that she's learned a lot from educational TV. I disregard the fact that I truly am so physically tired at times that leaving the TV off and my toddler un-entertained would result in tears for everyone, and I disregard the fact that turning on the TV does not inevitably make me a bad mother - its not like we're watching trashy television!

2. I feel guilty for how much my husband is helping. Now this one I know is completely ridiculous because it is absolutely fabulous that my husband is one of those men who is a huge help with chores. I rarely clean the bathroom, he does laundry when he sees it needs to be done, he does dishes, he prepares meals, and he always takes out the trash before I can even notice it has a need for being emptied. It really is a wonderful blessing, but somehow I manage to find reason to feel guilt for all he does. I seem to think that its my job to do all household chores and I convince myself at times that a "good mom" does ALL the chores WITHOUT any help - ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. But I still batter myself with the guilt bat with this one quite frequently.

3. I have felt guilty for my toddlers recent tendency to throw temper tantrums. I feel like its my fault and that I am doing something to trigger this. Or, should we be realistic and realize that my toddler is going through a huge change as she welcomes a new baby sister into the home, and she is already at that stage when she understands EVERYTHING around her but lacks the ability to effectively communicate what she wants - I think I would be throwing a few temper tantrums too. I fail to see the reality and replace reality with guilt.

The list could could go on to be quite long, but you get the picture. Why do we do this to ourselves? I really don't know the answer to that question; but I'm sure going to try and remember that I am a pretty dang cool person for giving of myself the way that I do and I'll try to forget about those very insignificant things that I manage to feel guilty for.

What They Never Told Me About Grooming

All right, this new section is dedicated to the "what they never told me" areas of motherhood. Now, I'm sure that there is someone out there that may say at times "No, I'm pretty sure I brought that up with Stephanie". So, apparently I was not listened well enough to the retain the information and I have decided to learn some lessons the hard way by living them in order to remember them.

This first "what they never told me" post is dedicated to grooming. No one ever told me that a shower would become a chore rather than a joy when I became a mother. No one ever told me that I would be scrambling many days just for those few blissful moments when I could quickly lather up the soap and wash and condition my hair. And no one ever told me how difficult it would be to find time for those few moments of bliss!

When I was single and shower a day was essential and two showers a day was just something I enjoyed doing at times. A shower is a way that I wind down. I am one of those people who like the water so hot that you can barely stand it and then the shower lasts until the water heater can't hold out any longer. (A waste, I know, but super relaxing at the end of a long day.) Now a shower a day is lucky. That's right ladies and gentlemen, as a mother I don't get a shower in every day. Gross and kind of embarrassing to admit, but I'm willing to bet that I am not the only one.

The problem is that with my first child I always had myself built up into such a ridiculous state of panic leaving the baby alone, even when she was asleep. The thought of "what if she wakes up and I can't hear her over the water?" was my constant concern. (Guess what? I learned that babies cry sometimes and that's OKAY! Who knew?) Having two has made the shower taking business a little bit trickier. My toddler now knows how to open doors, so the option of locking the baby in a bedroom while the toddler runs free is out. There is literally no place that I can lie the baby down without MaKenzie figuring out a way to get to the baby. MaKenzie will pile up toys or books or whatever so that she can get herself high enough to reach the baby. The second option I tried was using the childproof gate to lack Kenzie in a room. Well, the gate turns out not to be the most secure thing in the world due to the fact that our door frames are crooked (I love my little San Francisco apartment, but its in a very old building that is, well, crooked). So the few times I have tried this tactic MaKenzie throws a fit at the gate and stands on it which makes it falls down on top of her often squishing her and freaking her out even more. Once she is free of the gate she is once more available to attack the baby. The final problem presented itself when I decided to lock myself in the bathroom with the baby and leave the toddler free to romp about the house. This resulted in the biggest temper tantrum I have ever known MaKenzie to have. She was absolutely horrified at the fact that she had been locked out of the bathroom and the baby had been allowed to be in the bathroom with mommy. So now, I just take my showers when Garrett is home, which is always at the end of the day when I can think of a million other things that I'd like to get done now that I have another adult around to help.

So, to make an incredibly long story short, I don't shower every day and I don't think anyone notices, so I don't really care. If you had told me three years ago that I wouldn't care about going a day without a shower I would have laughed at you and said "yeah right". But, it is true. Motherhood just keeps you so busy with nursing, diaper changes, getting snacks, nursing, entertaining, running errands, nursing, and everything else that you just don't get around the shower thing every single day.

Kenzisms - Wuvs Siser

Every morning when I am done nursing Jordyn, Kenzie loves to come and sit by me and have me put Jordyn in her lap. The look that Kenzie has on her face when she is holding Jordyn is absolutely priceless. She seems to know that she is holding someone very special and straight from heaven. She always pats her softly and gives her lots of kisses. This morning she looked at me and said "Insi wuvs siser" (translation: "Kenzie loves sister") Its moments like these that make all the crazy moments well worth it!

Mess #3,254 and counting . . .

While I was nursing the baby today (these stories seem to always start with "when I was nursing the baby") I once more made the mistake of leaving the bedroom door open AND not locking Kenzie in the living room with our child-proof gate (Why did I buy the stupid thing if all I do is forget to use it?) Anyway, my forgetfulness led to the worst mess yet. All the other messes up to this point have been cleanable for the most part (although, diaper rash ointment is a hard one to remove). Kenzie came walking into the living room holding none other than my bleaching pen and asking for wipes so that she could clean up her messes. Oh yes, I really wanted to scream this time! Probably wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't wearing her brand new clothes that I got her for her birthday! The floor in the bedroom was also bleached, but I'm not so concerned about that seeing how there were already several bleach stains on the carpet when we moved in. Oh well, it's my own fault to have left a bleaching pen withing the reach of a two year old, but nevertheless it was still quite frustrating . . .

Sleep Deprived

I've talked to several moms about this topic and I am always surprised to hear the phrase, "Oh, you just get used to it." I am yet to figure out HOW one just gets used to having sleep in two and three hour increments for months on end. I am on week four and I don't see myself getting used to it any time soon!

The worst part is that half of the sleep deprivation is not the newborns fault. That's right - my toddler has decided to make two and three am wake-up calls in between the wake up calls of Jordyn! Kenzie has her final molars coming through and this has amounted to some major screaming in the early morning hours. Garrett and I don't know what to do. The neighbors have let us know that they never hear Jordyn, but they frequently are awakened by Kenzie - so this makes letting Kenzie cry it out very uncomfortable. The thing is that as soon as we walk into her bedroom the screaming stops. She isn't even really crying, she is just screaming our names at the top of her lungs and whining as loudly as possible. Last night her screaming woke up Jordyn (which is hard considering that the kid sleeps through the vacuum cleaner, diaper changes, and even slept the the beginning of a bath one day). We are at our wits end with Kenzie! This has been going on for about ten days now and Garrett and I are absolute zombies.

The worst is the mood that sleep deprivation leaves me in. It is so hard to be patient and upbeat when I'm only getting three and four hours of sleep at night. I just keep telling myself that "this too shall pass" but right now it seems like no end is in sight . . .

Kenzisms - A Few Favorites

A few phrases and words from our gal Kenzie:

"Dashshshshsh" This can mean, I want to be Dash, I want to watch Dash, or she wants you to be Dash. Our girl is obsessed with Dash. She would watch his movie three times a day if I let her! Dash really does come in handy though. For example, today while I was trying to open the elevator while juggling an infant car seat with a wailing baby inside, all the mail, and a diaper bag that was slipping off of my shoulder, MaKenzie decided to use the keys on every mail box in the lobby. I tried to get her to come get in the elevator, but she was much to preoccupied with the keys and the mailboxes. I then exitedly exclaimed "Kenzie, be Dash!" and she promplty responded by running as fast as she could into the elevator. While I want to burn the movie after having seen it so many times, Dash is a great babysitter and a great motivator for destracted toddlers!

"E-I-E-I-OOOOO" Kenzie loves to sing and this is one of her favorite songs. I love it when she sings it because she always makes the "O" last forever and it cracks me up.

"Siser ni-ni agin?" or "Siser sna agin?" This stands for "Sister is night-night (or asleep) again?" and "Sister snacking (or eating) again?" She has quickly figured out that sister just doesn't do much these days.

A Mother of Two

I can't lie, being the mother of two has thrown me a lot more curve balls than I ever anticipated. The pure exhuastion that comes with a newborn just doesn't mix well with the never ending energy of a toddler. The last three weeks have been a trial of patience and emotional stability (any new mom knows what I mean by emotional stability - those moments of breaking into sobbing tears over silly things that you know wouldn't be bothering you if you had had more than two hours of sleep the night before . . . ) I have learned a few lessons from this crazy transition that I don't want to forget:

Lesson #1: Just laugh, it really is good for the soul. One thing that has been tried and tested every day since we had Jordyn is our patience, and we have found laughter to be a helpful remedy for moments of frustration.

MaKenzie has created a few messess in the last few weeks that made me want to pull my hair out and scream at first, but Garrett and I have just learned to laugh, clean it up, and move on. Here are two of the most recent messess:

For MaKenzie's second birthday her Grandma Voeks got her a tea set that she absolutely adores. This tea set is the best non-human babysitter that I could have ever asked for. (Well, Walt Disney videos are a definate competitor when it comes to the "non-human babysitter") Anywho, Kenzie will play with this tea set for hours. Any friends who come to the house to visit are always graciously offered several cups of tea.

Well, yesterday while I was nursing the baby Kenzie was sitting right in front of me with her back to me watching TV and playing with her tea set. She also had her sippy cup full of milk. I'm sure you can all put two and two together . . . Yes, my bright daughter decided that she needed some real liquid to fill her tea cups so she decided to take big sips of milk from her sippy and spit them into the cups and kettle of her tea set. I didn't catch onto the fun until the carpet, the toddler, and the tea cups were full of milk.

My first feeling was frustration. It was right before nap time and I had just changed her diaper in preparation for nap. The baby was fussy and I had a lot of management duties to tend to at that moment as well. So now I had a fussy baby, management duties, a toddler to change into dry clothes and a dry diaper, a floor to clean up, and a tea set to clean. So, I said quick prayer to avoid frustration and who should call but my dad? I explained the situation to him and he found great humor in the situation helping me to see the humor and laugh as well. My dad just saw his granddaughter as being smart . . . Mom didn't provide any real liquid for the tea, so she did.

Our second moment that left us wanting to pull out our hair occurred a few weeks ago when Kenzie found the baby lotion. I was nursing and Garrett was cleaning the kitchen and Kenzie was left to wonder at her own free will. After about ten or fifteen minutes of nursing I had that all to familiar, yet uncomfortable feeling that the house was too quite. I called to Garrett to ask if he could see Kenzie. We both began looking for her only to find her sitting on the floor in the nursery in a puddle of lotion. There was lotion in her hair, in huge globs all over her legs, lotion on the crib, you get the picture . . . The good news is that our nursery carpet is super soft and smells like baby lotion. :)

So, while these moments can be frustrating because all they seem to look like at the time is another huge mess to clean up, there really is a lot of humor to be had. Laughing rather than yanking Kenzie into time-out has been very helpful for everyone.

Lesson #2: Remember the joyful moments of the day. At the end of the day when I am in bed trying to settle in for a few precious hours of sleep I try to remember the joyful moments of the day. Most days this last week have been extremely difficult. This was my first week without any extra adult help which meant a lot less rest for me, which also meant I was more irritable and emotional. I have found a lot of relief in just remembering the precious moments of the day. Just those little things like MaKenzie giving Jordyn a kiss on the forehead, or Garrett coming home with a smile on his face and dinner in his hands. They're nothing huge, but help me to remember how much I really do love being a mother and how much I love the people I serve each day.

Lesson #3: Me time. Going from the mother of two to the mother of one puts a big damper on the amount of "me time" a woman has. By the end of the first weeks I was just so drained. As Garrett and I discussed ways to help me keep it together during these next few weeks and months he suggested that I be sure to get a few hours of me time in each week. This is time when I am free of the girls to do whatever I want.

At first I was almost confused by this idea. I regrettfully say that it's been a while since I have pursued any of my hobbies. I can't tell you the last time I picked up my flute, my guitar, or just sat at the piano. I can't tell you how long it's been since I did some good scrapbooking, and a lot of the books that I love to read are still in a box in storage. I have shamefully let some of my great talents tall to the wayside. So when Garrett suggested this it was really quite refreshing. Not only do I walk away from "me time" feeling refreshed and energized and ready to be a better mom, but I am also doing things that I really love to do. Motherhood is really the most demanding job anyone could have. There is always something to be done for someone in the household and its been easy for me to get so cuaght up in everyone elses needs that I forget about some of my own.

Lesson #4: When it comes down to it, motherhood is the job I always wanted and it's the best job ever. Just yesterday Kenzie woke up from a nap early so I went in to get her and we curled up on the couch together and she fell asleep in my arms. Jordyn was fast asleep in the crib next to us. While I looked at my sleeping girls I was overcome with awe and love for these two little beings that Heavenly Father has entrusted to me. I began to think about the day, which had basocally been one of the most trying days of my entire motherhood existence. As I thought I realized that motherhood is the only job EVER that can be so physically, emotionally, and spiritually demanding. It gives numerous daily opportunities to be patient, loving, understaning, and to render service. There is no other job that can give so many opportunities to practice the greatest characteristics that so many of us seek to aquire. I want nothing more than to be a patient, loving, understaning person - and motherhood gives me a chance to work on these qualities every day. It's not easy, and some days it doesn't feel like its worth it; but it is the job I always wanted and it's the best job ever!