The Motherhood Slump

I am coming out of a motherhood slump. The past few weeks of mothering have been particularly difficult. There isn't really any real reason that I can clearly state for this. Only that the tears, the frustrations, and the heartache of it all have felt more burdensome than I have ever felt before. I've mostly been frustrated with the fact that I have been frustrated. I know that I would never want to be in any other place than where I am now. Being a wife and mother are the most treasured thing that I will ever be - so to be frustrated with the daily challenges of mothering is just downright frustrating. (I know I should go consult a thesaurus or something in order to avoid over-usage here, but sometimes there is just one word that describes it so perfectly . . . FRUSTRATION.)

As I have pulled out of the slump I have been reminded of a few truths that have anchored me back into place.

The first truth comes from President Thomas S. Monson.

"Occasionally discouragement may darken our pathway; frustration may be a constant companion. In our ears, we may hear . . . Satan as he whispers, 'Your efforts cannot save the world; your small efforts are meaningless." (Peace, 50)

As I read these sweet words from a prophet of God I realized just how much I have given into Satan's whispers. I often feel like I am not enough as a mother and wife. No one in this house is telling me that I am not adding up; nor is my Heavenly Father. The feelings of guilt and discouragement come from one being alone - the author of all lies.

Sister Patricia Holland said

"If I were Satan and wanted to destroy a society, I think I would stage a full-blown blitz on women. I would keep them so distraught and distracted that they would never find the calming strength and serenity for which their gender has always been known." (Earth As It Is In Heaven, 85)

Both of these quotes come from a fabulous book called "I Am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. The author helped me to remember that this calling of motherhood is absolutely divine. What I do within the walls of my home is celebrated in heaven and recognized by a loving Heavenly Father.

My final truth comes from scripture that states that we should not run faster than our feet can carry us. To me this scripture is about avoiding burning ourselves out. I've done that as a mom. I tend to feel so overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of house hold chores and raising children that I can forget to relax and do the things that I enjoy. I can't be a good mom without being me first. I can't be a good mom if it means giving up the things that I enjoy. While I must be careful not to go to the extreme of neglecting all my duties to pursue my hobbies; I must also be careful not to give up all my hobbies to fulfill my duties.

So here I am tonight doing something I love . . . writing. The kitchen is a mess from the days meals and dishes that I was not able to clean as I went through the day, the toys are not put away, the sharing time still needs to be planned, there is plenty of packing to be done, and I could bore you all night long with my "un-done list". Sometimes I need to stop and be me. If I don't let myself be me then the monster version of me can quickly take control. And no one likes the monster version of a mommy - ESPECIALLY the mommy.

Top Five Fridays - No Children Allowed

Today's Top Five Friday is dedicated to the top five places that I can think of that test my sanity limits when ventured into with my girls.

1. The airport.

It's busy. People are in a hurry. People can be helpful, but the pushy ones seem in greater abundance.

Every time you walk on a plane with little ones, you are greeted with some smiles and some horrified looks that seem to say "Please don't sit by me lady!"

Yes, the airport is always stressful with the little people.

2. The Post Office.

It's so quite there. Has anyone else ever noticed that? Any conversation you have is overheard by all and it's quite difficult to get your little ones to use any thing less than a VERY loud whisper in their communications with you.

3. The Grocery Store at Lunch Time

You'd think I'd never have done it more than once . . . but I am guilty of bringing hungry kids and a hungry mommy to the grocery store.

It is never pretty.

4. Okay, so I couldn't think of five things today . . . these three just leave such scars on my existence that to take it further might cause me to go into shock . . .

Real Life

I swear I have not been sitting around all day doing nothing. But some days it certainly feels like everything around me is proclaiming otherwise . . .

The undone dishes.

Only heaven knows how long that's been in there waiting to be folded? (And heaven probably has better things to do than keep tabs on my unfolded laundry . . . so really NOBODY knows how long its been.)

Oh, and the toys that I put away a few times and day and then just give up because two little people always trail along behind me to undo all of mommy's doings.

Some days these undone things drive me crazy, and others I really don't care. (And please note that the days that I really don't care tend to be less stressful and make for a nicer me.) Now why is that?

Roller-Coaster

Do you ever wake-up ready to be done for the day?

It seems I have experienced this thrilling feeling for the past two or three days straight. I love my kids, but I also love to sleep. Sleep isn't something that happens much when you have a three year old and a one year old who share a room the size of a small walk-in closet. (That's right - just enough room for a crib and a toddler bed - and I mean ONLY a crib and a toddler bed.) When I don't get my sleep motherhood can become a very interesting roller-coaster ride. Wait. I take that back. Motherhood is already a roller-coaster ride. When I don't get my sleep its more like a roller-coaster ride that I have not been properly secured in.

Okay ladies, it's time to share the truth. We hesitate to say that our kids can be irritating, exhausting, demanding, whiny, and down-right annoying at times. Such a statement might somehow imply that we are bad mothers. It might imply that we are cut out for a good examination from CPS. Is that what we are living in fear of? I don't know why the hesitancy when it comes to admitting the truth about being frustrated with our kids. I know we've all been in that moment when the baby is crying, the two-year old is having a full fledged conniption over a dropped sippy, and you are standing there trying to muster up even a particle of energy in order to respond to these little people who you know you love, but you just don't like them at the moment. To top if all off you are only ten minutes into the day! When I'm tired, these moments of mayhem can feels as frantic as running from an avalanche.

Oh, and then there is the guilt cycle. Once you respond in a not so great way to the sippy being dropped, then we can go into batter-yourself-to-pieces-mode for your poor reaction. AH! And you know all along that a good nights rest would have made the sippy incident laughable.

Well, I don't know you, but I feel better having shared that being a tired mommy is not something that I will EVER be fond of.

That said, I want to share a few things these last few days that have lightened the tired mommy load.

First and foremost would be other mommies. I can't tell you what good going to playgroups and hosting playgroups does for me on these exhausting, irritable days. There is something refreshing about talking with other moms who are in the same exact boat I am in. It's nice to hear that all moms have moments of laughter, moments of extreme love, moments of extreme madness, and moments when you just want to jump off the boat all together. We all have the reasonable part of o brain ur that totally knows that we are not the only ones with an overdramitic two-year-old and a poor sleeper for a baby; but somehow it is still easy to convince ourselves that that everyone else on the block is the perfect mommy.

The other thing that has really gotten me a long way is to just turn off life for a few hours. I shut down the TV, the phones, the computer, the music, and everything else so that there are no distractions and I just get out a puzzle with the girls, I go on a walk, I do whatever they want. I can be such an uptight person that if the phone rings it would be like breaking one of the ten commandments to not answer.

So tell me . . . what keeps you sane on your I-want-to-throw-my-children-out-the-window days?

Just Breathe

The just breathe moments of motherhood seem to be in abundance at my house lately.

You know, those moments when your two-year-old turns and slaps you in the face when they are on their way to time-out, or when you are on the last fifteen minutes of an airplane flight and the baby is wailing and the toddler is refusing to stay in the seatbelt.

Then there are the times when getting the children dressed seems to take all the energy you can muster. Between the baby wailing bloody murder while you attempt to pull a shirt over her head, and a swift kick to the groin from an overly energized two-year-old, it can feel like torture just getting them dressed.

Kenzie really has a mouth full lately. The "NO, I do it myself!" and the "NO! Go away!" or the "NO! I don't like that!" seems to come from every angle.

It's times like this that I just have to tell myself . . . . just breathe.

Please share your just breathe moments so that I don't fall into the false belief that my children are the only ones who do this to me . . .

Frustrations

Kenzie is starting to show signs of not wanting to take naps in the afternoon and it is really freaking me out. She has been great about staying in her big girl bed up until two nights ago. She now gets up and walks out of her room several times and NOTHING seems to work. The night before last she didn't go down until nine because she kept thinking it was a game to get out of her bed over and over and over again. I'm going a little bit insane partly because mommy time is necessary and also because my management job is extremely demanding lately; basically, an hour or two of naps in the afternoon is something I have come to depend on to get by . . . I want to try and transition Kenzie into having "quite time" in the afternoon if naps are something that she really doesn't need anymore. The thing is that the attention span of a two and a half year old doesn't seem to coincide with a quite time each day? I think motherhood is a never ending stream of problem solving. Let's see how creative I can get this time . . .

To Whom It May Concern

I need to express a few of my pet peeves to those opinionated strangers out there who feel the need to express their opinions about my kids.

First of all, I think I am competent enough to know how to dress my children. Don't come up and touch my infant's bare feet and tell me that her little feet are too cold. First off, you shouldn't go around touching other people's infants if you don't know them, it's just not right. Secondly, you are not aware of the fact that the child just had the blow out of the century and her socks were subjected to the blow out proceedings. So, I'm sorry I wasn't carrying another pair of socks that day, but something is bound to slip your mind in the scurry out the door with two children under the age of two . .

Secondly, please make an effort to notice the gender of my child. Now don't get me wrong . . . if you catch her without a bow on and dressed in neutral colors, the gender guessing game then becomes my fault; however, pink clothing and bow can only indicate one thing . . . SHE is NOT a HE!!

Finally, I am NOT a nanny to my two kids, I had my children UNDER wedlock, and NO they were NOT an accident. I would think these inquires into my personal life would at least permit being on a first name basis . . . wouldn't you think?

You Know That Feeling . . .

You know that feeling of FINALLY getting the baby to sleep only to turn around and walk into the wall, curse, and send the fan crashing to the floor, which all results in the baby waking up? You know that feeling? Grrrrr . . .

A Texting Experience . . .

Just a few days ago my husband and I had the following conversation while texting:

ME: WHY does one wake up just as I put the other down? I swear they are passing an invisible baton back and forth.

GARRETT: Probably are

ME: Little stinkers.

GARRETT: Ha that's funny

ME: Now I am a stinker too - in a much more litereal sense. Jordyn just spit up on me AND blew out on me ALL in one swift motion. Ah, the smells of motherhood . . .

GARRETT: Oh crap

Mess #3,255

I didn't think I would have to post about messes again, but Kenzie has given me plenty reason to do so . . .

This morning Jordyn woke up at 5:15, after I got her back down I decided to take a shower rather than lie back down. As a result of my early morning shower I was quite exhausted by the time I had gotten Kenzie fed, bathed and ready for the day. So, I turned on "Dash" and went to lie down in my bedroom.

After about thirty minutes of napping I hear my daughter right next to my head whispering "Mommy, Mommy". I open my eyes to the most incredible sight I have ever seen. The child was CAKED with diaper rash cream. Every inch of the left side of her face was completely covered, each of her legs had a generous helping, and her left arm was also completely caked in cream. I walked out into the living room to find the carpet, her little chair, and the television covered as well. It was horrendous! I must say I was quite upset at the sight of it all and the necessity of cleaning it up. I keep finding new spots to clean as the day progresses.

I know I will FOREVER regret having not taken a picture, but the camera was in the room the baby was sleeping in and she was close to the end of her nap, so I didn't want to risk waking her up and have her screaming her head off while I had to deal with Kenzie. It didn't occur to me until it was too late that I could have gotten the video camera, but I was a little too frazzled to remember that.

Before I could even say a word about the mess, Kenzie was pointing at the chaos saying "no, no!" THE CHILD KNEW SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO DO IT! UGH!

My first attempt at cleaning the mess was baby wipes, but they hardly did a thing. So, we headed to the bathroom for yet ANOTHER bath. I tried to lather up lots of soap suds in order to get the blasted stuff off, but that didn't work either. We ended up resorting to good old fashioned scrubbing. My child's skin was red by the time I had gotten it all off and she was wailing at the top of her lungs. By this time I was dreading the attempts to remove it from her clothes and the carpet. I scrubbed at the carpet for fifteen minutes and its still plastered to the floor. I am PRAYING that the carpet cleaning man will get it out. Plus, I am really bummed about the cute outfit I had her in. I need to stop buying cute clothes and just let her look like a hobo child so that I don't care when this happens . . .

The best was that just as I was getting the mess somewhat cleaned up the baby woke up for a feeding. Well, that little stinker fell asleep while feeding and over fed herself; so, we all knows where the extra food goes - ALL over mommy, the floor, and the rocking chair. NONE of the spit-up got on her? It was by far one of the worst spit-ups I have ever experienced. I had to change all of my clothes (underwear included) and wash my hair again, not to mention more scrubbing of the floor and the furniture.

Oh boy! What a day! It's only 10:30 and I am going to take the day off. Kenzie can watch WHATEVER movie she wants, have WHATEVER snacks she wants, and I am going to rest WHENEVER I feel like it, and I am going to try really hard not to feel guilty about the pile of laundry that I was wanting to tackle today and the toys that are now scattered ALL over the house. We were going to attempt an outing today, but I must say I just don't feel like putting all the effort that goes into getting out the door with an infant and a two year old.

In the midst of the messes I was texting my family about my crazy morning and my dad reminded me that many years from now I will look back on these times as some of the best in my life . . . we'll just have to wait many years to see about that! :)

Lesson Learned: No matter how toddler proof you think the house is you are absolutely wrong!

"Great, now I have Guilt"

Anyone who has a toddler who is obsessed with all Disney-Pixar films would know that "Great, now I have guilt" is what Rex says after the toys from Andy's toy room push Woody off the moving truck . . . ah, the things you learn as a mother.

Last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking of the guilt that all mothers seem to feel. It really doesn't make sense that we feel this guilt seeing how we are really quite a spectacular group of people. We give of ourselves in every single way possible. We sacrifice our time, our bodies, our talents, many luxuries, and who knows what else for our kids who we love so much. And we do it with very little complaint. In the end our work turns out to be the greatest that anyone could offer. Behind every great leader, every inventor, every good person is a mother who made sacrifices in one way or another (even if that mother was a lousy mother they at least gave that person life and went through the pregnancy and birthing process!). Now, I don't mean to be one of those "Praise me, I'm a mother, and you should appreciate it all that I do for you" kind of people. I only wish to point out that when all is said and done we really do some remarkable things as mothers, and all the guilt we feel for all the things we DON"T do is really a waste of time and emotion.

For example, in the last few weeks of being a mother of two I have felt guilty for the following:

1. Pressing play on the VCR too many times. My toddler has scenes from her favorite movies memorized and I manage to feel guilty for that quite often. I disregard the fact that she's learned a lot from educational TV. I disregard the fact that I truly am so physically tired at times that leaving the TV off and my toddler un-entertained would result in tears for everyone, and I disregard the fact that turning on the TV does not inevitably make me a bad mother - its not like we're watching trashy television!

2. I feel guilty for how much my husband is helping. Now this one I know is completely ridiculous because it is absolutely fabulous that my husband is one of those men who is a huge help with chores. I rarely clean the bathroom, he does laundry when he sees it needs to be done, he does dishes, he prepares meals, and he always takes out the trash before I can even notice it has a need for being emptied. It really is a wonderful blessing, but somehow I manage to find reason to feel guilt for all he does. I seem to think that its my job to do all household chores and I convince myself at times that a "good mom" does ALL the chores WITHOUT any help - ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. But I still batter myself with the guilt bat with this one quite frequently.

3. I have felt guilty for my toddlers recent tendency to throw temper tantrums. I feel like its my fault and that I am doing something to trigger this. Or, should we be realistic and realize that my toddler is going through a huge change as she welcomes a new baby sister into the home, and she is already at that stage when she understands EVERYTHING around her but lacks the ability to effectively communicate what she wants - I think I would be throwing a few temper tantrums too. I fail to see the reality and replace reality with guilt.

The list could could go on to be quite long, but you get the picture. Why do we do this to ourselves? I really don't know the answer to that question; but I'm sure going to try and remember that I am a pretty dang cool person for giving of myself the way that I do and I'll try to forget about those very insignificant things that I manage to feel guilty for.

Sleep Deprived

I've talked to several moms about this topic and I am always surprised to hear the phrase, "Oh, you just get used to it." I am yet to figure out HOW one just gets used to having sleep in two and three hour increments for months on end. I am on week four and I don't see myself getting used to it any time soon!

The worst part is that half of the sleep deprivation is not the newborns fault. That's right - my toddler has decided to make two and three am wake-up calls in between the wake up calls of Jordyn! Kenzie has her final molars coming through and this has amounted to some major screaming in the early morning hours. Garrett and I don't know what to do. The neighbors have let us know that they never hear Jordyn, but they frequently are awakened by Kenzie - so this makes letting Kenzie cry it out very uncomfortable. The thing is that as soon as we walk into her bedroom the screaming stops. She isn't even really crying, she is just screaming our names at the top of her lungs and whining as loudly as possible. Last night her screaming woke up Jordyn (which is hard considering that the kid sleeps through the vacuum cleaner, diaper changes, and even slept the the beginning of a bath one day). We are at our wits end with Kenzie! This has been going on for about ten days now and Garrett and I are absolute zombies.

The worst is the mood that sleep deprivation leaves me in. It is so hard to be patient and upbeat when I'm only getting three and four hours of sleep at night. I just keep telling myself that "this too shall pass" but right now it seems like no end is in sight . . .

Frazzled Mom

I hope I am not the only mom out there who feels like this some days:

Do you just have those days when you feel like the baby won't stop fussing over the dumbest things or when nothing seems to be going right? I came across this little cartoon today and I just had to laugh!

It just makes me feel good that I am not the only mom out there that has these days. I tend to have this perfect image of so many of my good friends as mothers. They are fantastic at being a homemaker, at having fun with their kids, at being patient with their kids, at getting out with their kids, and at balancing being a wife and a mother - all the things I hope and strive to be. It just makes me feel better that even those moms who I view as my supreme examples have frazzled days when emotions are high and the to do list seems to be impossible.

Litte Teeth BIG Fits

I hate to begin my first "Mommy Moment" with words of frustration, but such is the moment and there is usually a lot to be learned from the frustrations of life . . .

Up til now teething hasn't been what I would call pleasant, but it hasn't been awful either. Well, we crossed over the line into the awful territory this past week.

My sister Virginia came into town this last week for a visit while MaKenzie was pushing through two top teeth. The midnight wake-up calls and the need to gnaw on things wasn't any different than the last teething moments; but the fits, the constant crying, and the attitude were definitely new elements. One morning she cried for almost two hours straight over the silliest things. If I picked her up when she didn't want to be picked up, put her down when she didn't want to be put down, fed her when she wanted to feed herself I was informed of MaKenzie's displeasure with a full red in the face, arch of the back temper tantrum that often ended in her hitting her head on something which increased the volume of the crying (which I didn't think she could be any louder at that point as it was!) She wouldn't let my poor sister near her all week and she wouldn't let me out of her sight. My least favorite moments had to be when my sister and I were in a restaurant and she would be perfectly happy one moment and then throwing food across the restaurant the next.

The good news is that we made it and that MaKenzie is back to her regular non-tantrum self, and in the process I have even learned a few lessons:

1. When your baby has been crying for so long and you have done EVERYTHING in your power to offer comfort and relief, it is OKAY to set them in the crib and separate yourself from your child for a little while. It offered me a lot of relief to just not have a screaming baby in my arms, say a little prayer, shed a few tears if needed, and then get myself back into action. At the time I felt awful just letting my baby who in obvious pain role in her crib while screaming - but those moments that I had to just wash my face and get ready for the day gave me the energy to get through the rest of the tantrums with more patience and love.

2. Don't stay cooped up in the house. Every mom is different I think on this one - but I am so grateful that my sister was out here for the week because we got out and did things that served as the best distraction for Kenzie's irritability. I felt bad that my sister had to deal with the tears and midnight tantrums - but she saved my sanity by being here and just giving me company and something to do! Don't just stay home! Do something to get out and ease your frustration and the babies!

And finally, here are my teething tips that worked for MaKenzie. While every child is different I would like to have this on record in case I forget for future children:

1. MaKenzie would never have anything to do with a teething ring or toy, but she loved sucking on a damp wash cloth that I had placed in the freezer for a few moments. Sometimes I would even pour apple juice on the wash cloth when she wouldn't take it at first. While this usually only worked for about twenty minutes - lets be honest, twenty minutes is twenty minutes.

2. Like I said before, offer distraction with a walk around the block or a new book or toy. While their attitude may not indicate a desire to be outdoors, the outdoors can serve as a distraction for a while. (Maybe stay close to home on your outings though so that if the tantrums begin you can get home quickly.)

3. Make sue you time the Children's Tylenol about 30 minutes before bedtime. This way once they are settling into bed the medicine has taken effect. Trust me - I learned the hard way the first few nights.