Top Five Fridays - Genius Diversion

It's the last few hours of the day. Everyone is hungry, getting tired, and restless. Sound familiar? If not, you're going to have to clue me in; it's practically a nightly occurrence at our house.

Well, here are five little bits of geniusness that I've read about and stolen from other moms. (I always laugh when someone compliments me on an amazing idea; if amazing is what you get for copying or tweaking another person's great idea, then I guess I am the queen of amazing.)

1. Crayola BathCrayons. I got this one from my mother-in-law. She sent some of these in a package to the girls a few months back and I tell ya, it is like she is babysitting my kids from 3,000 miles away. They are so happy. I can sit outside the bathroom door with a book or my guitar for what feels like hours! (In mommy land, twenty minutes of happy children that aren't asking for something can truly feel like hours.) I must warn you that these bad boys can stain the grout in your tub if you are not faithful about wiping off the walls that the kids colored on - well worth the effort in my opinion.

2. Want to make bath time quite time? Impossible you might say? Not at all. Give them each a succor. When my girlfriend Heather told me about this one I must admit that I thought it was kind of gross. I thought "ew, they will dip it in the water and they are surrounded in their own filth". Then I quickly realized that my kids drink the bath water during every bath anyway. No matter how many times I say "Icky water, you don't want to drink it" they quickly forget. Well, I choose my battles and don't enforce this one. I'm sure they've put things in their mouth that I am unaware of that is much worse than their own bath water.

3. Painting the fence. At least that is what they THINK they are doing. Give the kids a bucket of water and some paint brushes and tell them to paint the fence. By the time they get all the way to other end you can point out that somehow their "paint" has "mysteriously" disappeared and they need to start all over again. Entertainment for a full hour the first time we tried it at our house! This one is thanks to my girlfriend Amanda whose mother-in-law clued her in on this mothering trick of the trade.

4. Saran wrap. It can do more than just make you mad for not sticking to everything it is supposed to stick to, only to do a fabulous job of sticking to itself instead. Saran wrap a big section of your sliding door windows and then equip your crazy kids with stickers and dry erase markers and let the fun begin. It peals right off when you are done. I have not done this one myself, but my friend Heather did this one day while watching my kids and they loved it.

5. "The Special Box" I read about this one in a book. Gather some favorite toys and books or anything to your liking and put it in a box. Let the kids decorate it and pronounce it "The Special Box". The box only comes our during certain times when mother needs it (i.e. when you want to pull your hair out). It amazes me what can be done with a few things that are just lying around in your house and calling it "special" can do.

The Motherhood Slump

I am coming out of a motherhood slump. The past few weeks of mothering have been particularly difficult. There isn't really any real reason that I can clearly state for this. Only that the tears, the frustrations, and the heartache of it all have felt more burdensome than I have ever felt before. I've mostly been frustrated with the fact that I have been frustrated. I know that I would never want to be in any other place than where I am now. Being a wife and mother are the most treasured thing that I will ever be - so to be frustrated with the daily challenges of mothering is just downright frustrating. (I know I should go consult a thesaurus or something in order to avoid over-usage here, but sometimes there is just one word that describes it so perfectly . . . FRUSTRATION.)

As I have pulled out of the slump I have been reminded of a few truths that have anchored me back into place.

The first truth comes from President Thomas S. Monson.

"Occasionally discouragement may darken our pathway; frustration may be a constant companion. In our ears, we may hear . . . Satan as he whispers, 'Your efforts cannot save the world; your small efforts are meaningless." (Peace, 50)

As I read these sweet words from a prophet of God I realized just how much I have given into Satan's whispers. I often feel like I am not enough as a mother and wife. No one in this house is telling me that I am not adding up; nor is my Heavenly Father. The feelings of guilt and discouragement come from one being alone - the author of all lies.

Sister Patricia Holland said

"If I were Satan and wanted to destroy a society, I think I would stage a full-blown blitz on women. I would keep them so distraught and distracted that they would never find the calming strength and serenity for which their gender has always been known." (Earth As It Is In Heaven, 85)

Both of these quotes come from a fabulous book called "I Am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. The author helped me to remember that this calling of motherhood is absolutely divine. What I do within the walls of my home is celebrated in heaven and recognized by a loving Heavenly Father.

My final truth comes from scripture that states that we should not run faster than our feet can carry us. To me this scripture is about avoiding burning ourselves out. I've done that as a mom. I tend to feel so overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of house hold chores and raising children that I can forget to relax and do the things that I enjoy. I can't be a good mom without being me first. I can't be a good mom if it means giving up the things that I enjoy. While I must be careful not to go to the extreme of neglecting all my duties to pursue my hobbies; I must also be careful not to give up all my hobbies to fulfill my duties.

So here I am tonight doing something I love . . . writing. The kitchen is a mess from the days meals and dishes that I was not able to clean as I went through the day, the toys are not put away, the sharing time still needs to be planned, there is plenty of packing to be done, and I could bore you all night long with my "un-done list". Sometimes I need to stop and be me. If I don't let myself be me then the monster version of me can quickly take control. And no one likes the monster version of a mommy - ESPECIALLY the mommy.

The Bewitching Hour

There is something that can be oh so very horrible about that last hour before Daddy comes home. While most days I can cope just fine and even enjoy this time with my children, there are also days when I can't stop looking at the clock and envisioning the moment when Daddy will walk through the door while I simultaneously run out of it screaming. (I am pleased to note that I have not followed through on the vision yet, but I have come very close.)

Today was one of the more miserable days when daddy's homecoming was very much anticipated by all in the house. (You know it is bad when the three-year-old is screaming "I want my daaaaaaaa-deeeeee".)

During that last hour I can feel like the "please don't do that" phrase is being used in hyper drive. I feel like the busy body toddler is on a mission to destroy every item she can lay hands on. And I feel like the whines, the bickering, and the redundancy of it all is trying to suffocate me.

So, I am on a mission to make this last hour of the day a little bit more bearable. Ideas are brewing in my head about how to make this possible. They won't be able to come to fruition until we are in a house of our own. But I will keep you posted on what I will now refer to as "Project Unbewitch".

I am determined not to be the witch of the bewitching hour any longer.

Its Nice to Know . . .

Its nice to know that I am not the only mother who feels so completely exhausted that my eyes sting, my body aches, my throat hurts, I can cry at the stupidest things, and my under eyes are a permanent shade of purple.

Its nice to know that I am not the only woman who can get so frustrated with an energetic, crazy toddler that I just want to shake her at times; and then that I am not the only mother who would then burst into tears wondering if I am a horrible person for feeling so angry with such a little person.

Its nice to know that I am not the only mother who feels completely stretched out at times. Between my toddler's needs, my newborn's needs, my husband's needs, the houses needs, and the apartment management needs, it can seem impossible to even remember what my needs are.

Its also nice to know that someone else knows how it feels to just want FIVE MINUTES to yourself to just go to the bathroom, answer a phone call, or send an email.

Its nice to know that there are other women out there who WANTED this and CHERISH this even though it is the most exhausting, frustrating, confusing, and demanding job that one could ever have.

My girlfriend Heather was in town all weekend and it was just nice to chat endlessly and remember that I am not the only one going through the demands of being a mother to young children. I'm not the only one who loves this job one moment and is so frustrated with it the next. Women need women so that we can share and feel the comfort of knowing that if you've felt it or done it, then there is someone else out there who has felt it or done it too.

No Doubt About It

This is a fabulous book written by one of the former General Relief Society Presidents for the church. Today I came across a few quotes on motherhood that I would like to share that offered me a lot of courage a strength:

The first one is from President Gordon B. Hinckley:

"You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. . . . The searing questions that will cross your mind again and again will be, How well have my children done? If the answer is that they have done very well, then your happiness will be complete. If they have done less than well, then no other satisfaction can compensate for your loss" (Ensign, November 2000, 97)

The second part came directly from Sister Dew as she shared some of her thoughts about motherhood:

"Research conducted by the Church indicates that the single biggest factor affecting a child's participation in and attendance at church is the mother's attendance. This is not to say that the father's activity and participation are unimportant, but it is principally mothers who help their children prepare talks for Primary, who make sure their youth make it to girls camp and Mutual and youth conference, who help their children get ready on Sunday morning. Mothers are the emotional glue that hold the family together. (No Doubt About it, 63, p2)

I often find it easy to believe that I am not doing good enough. I quickly criticize myself about not being a good enough cook, a good enough visiting teacher, that the house is never clean enough, that I am not a good enough manager, or a good enough friend or mother. I quickly let these thoughts of inadequacy run me down. I know that I have written about this topic before, but it really something that the adversary pursues me with.

Reading these passages today helped to put things into perspective once again and offer me yet another reminder of what my priorities really should be. As a mother and wife I hold the most privileged and honored position that Heavenly Father can offer his daughters. As a mother and wife I have the magnificent responsibility to rear righteous children who can live in the world, but not be of the world. Sometimes Satan makes this task even seem too daunting, but that is also a lie. It was so comforting to read how significant my role as a mother is. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm worth a whole lot except for making on mistake after another, but when I look at it from President Hinckley and Sister Dew's perspective I see that I am a daughter of God who has been endowed with the responsibility and privilege of rearing children in the Lord's kingdom. What a comfort it is to know that I am one of the Lord's chosen and I can do a great a marvelous work here in my home. I can provide my children with good moral values. I can teach them of the love of our Lord Jesus Christ and His infinite atoning power. I can be an example of how to love and serve others. I can teach them to love to learn, to love life, and to love being obedient. I will do this just as my parents did this - through example. I can't count how many times I walked in on my mother praying, reading scriptures, or writing in the scriptures. Every time I came home from a late night outing my dad was uncomfortably sleeping on the couch or waiting up for me to hear about the nights events - this told me that my life and what I was doing was important to him. My dad always wanted me to go tag along with him while he ran simple errands - teaching me that my company was important and worth while. My mom always told me I was beautiful and talented - which I often times shrugged off, but such loving comments left an impact on my self worth and esteem. They taught by example that their children were the most important parts of their lives and that the gospel of Jesus Christ is what provides all the help and relief that we need in our lives. I hope and pray to be that old woman that President Hinckley spoke of in his quote who can look back over my life and feel that my children are good people, there really is nothing that I desire more than to see my children happy. Garrett and I are often in awe at what happiness we enjoy in our marriage and in our home. We so many marriages around us failing, that are full of contempt and backbiting, where there is little forgiveness and plenty of bitterness. If I lost every personal possession that this world has to offer, but still had the love and respect of my husband and children I would feel to be among the most blessed of Heavenly Father's children. I hope my children will cling to their testimonies of this gospel no matter what life throws their way and find the peace that comes in keeping the Lord's commands. Life is challenging, frustrating, and hard at times, but well worth it if lived in a such a way that we can stand guiltless before our Heavenly Father at the judgement day and receive that blissful reward of living with our most beloved families for time and all eternity.

I need to vent . . .

I am just having one of those moments that I really just need a second to complain and express some silly concerns that have been piling up lately. I want to let it out but I don't really want to bother anyone with such trivial momentary feelings, but I also feel that I can get over it a little bit if I organize my thoughts in a little bit of a journal entry here. It's funny, but writing down my thoughts, especially the worrisome ones, can be very therapeutic for me. Anyway, here it goes.

Do you ever worry if you are being a good enough mom? I am just having one of those days where I worry. The world is getting uglier and uglier and I as a mother have a responsibility to raise children to be in the world and not of the world. I worry that I'm not being a good enough example by getting to easily frustrated some days and too frazzled others. I worry that I won't be able to create a loving relationship in my home where there is an open line of communication between me and my children. I worry that I am not disciplining enough or being patient enough. I know it's not good to worry, and it's not like I let these worries overwhelm me, it's just something that crosses my mind sometimes and especially concerns me on more emotional and stressful days such as today.

I know these silly worries and just the adversary's way of trying to convince me that I am not a good enough mother. Oh how he would love if I were to always dwell on these things rather than focusing on my children. I know that as Garrett and I pray each day and keep the commandments in holding FHE and family scripture study and prayer that there are great promises in our grasp, I now that having a close family means spends quality and quantity time together and that being a good mother comes as I simply do everything within my power to make sacrifices for my children to be with them every step of the way as they grow and develop. But, it's so easy to forget that when I am stressed with tons of apartment stuff, just returning from a vacation, finding out our insurance has been cancelled for some strange reason, when I am concerned for family members who are making poor decision and seeing them unhappy, and all the other tiny burdens of life.

I have a SUPER bad habit of comparing myself to other moms as well. I see the cute little things they do with things that they do with their kids and I worry that I am not doing enough. I see other kids already learning to be potty trained or learning to count and at first I think "They're only 15 months, there is plenty of time for that later" but then there is that little nagging voice that says "Maybe I should be doing that too, is my kid is going to get behind?" Comparing myself to others has never gotten me anything but upset and I know it is a bad habit, but some days it's harder than others.

Well, there is my venting session for the day. These are all such silly petty concerns that I know aren't true, but it is nice to write it down and just move on . . . :)

Me Time

There is church time, feeding baby time, cleaning baby time, cleaning house time, management duties time, daddy and mommy time, dressing baby time, changing baby time, playing with baby time, cooking time, grocery shopping time, and the list goes on and on and on. Homemaking is a busy twenty-four hour a day job and I am finally getting better at including something very important in my busy schedule: me time.

This week I have set a special goal for myself to take at least thirty minutes out of the day to do WHATEVER I want while MaKenzie is napping. Usually nap time tends to be a time when I am rushing around the house like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get as many things done without waking up the baby (which is difficult to do for someone like me who gets really clumsy and forgetful when I'm stressed and tends to run into walls and drop things which wakes up the baby).

I have to testify to the fact that me time is a definate must for my sanity. I have noticed that I am so much more full of energy when I have taken that time for me to take a long bath, read a book, waste my time on the internet or whatever else I darn well please. I'm happier when Garrett gets home, I'm more excited to get MaKenzie out of her crib and take care of her after she is finished napping, and I'm less stressed. Many moms have probably already figured out this trick and I can now say that it works wonders!