Top Five Fridays -A Modified Shape

Alright, I am going to try and do what I will refer to as "Top Five Fridays". This is really just a way for me to vent, share, or give to much information about different aspects of being a mom. I thought a good tmi entry would be the best way to start things off . . .

So here it is. Plain and simple. Just a few of the ways that your body will (or already has) modified itself since having children. (I like the word modify, it's a bit softer than deformed)

1. The gray hair. The minute I was got pregnant with baby number one I started growing outrageous amounts of gray hair. In fact, I grew an entire SPOT of gray hair on the back of my head (fortunately it's in a spot where it can easily be hidden). I hate the idea of ever dying my hair because I feel like I am imprisoning myself to a never-ending new bill . . . but I just might have to give in one of these days.

2. The sag. The sag in the boobs, the sag in the butt, the sag in the belly, the sag in the thighs . . . it can happen anywhere. I will at least spare you the information about the precise location of my sagging symptoms.

3. This next one I like to call the shrink and expand. I have shrunk in places that I would have preferred stayed, well, un-shrunk; and I have expanded in areas that would have been nice to keep slim. Just the other day my husband was saying that I am getting too thin because he noticed that my jeans sag off my rear-end. Well, it all comes down to the shrink and expand problem. My rear-end shrunk, but my waist isn't getting any thinner . . . the result . . . pants that fit around the waste but sag right off my shrunken fanny.

4. I figure I should list at least one good thing . . . my hair got curly. That's right. I can curl my hair quite well since having children. Now that just takes an outrageous amount of hormone if you ask me. I must say that it's quite the convenient style-quick-and-go hair style for a busy mom. Just dry with a towel, add some good moose, and ta-da!

5. Finally there is the bane of my existence. Every sneeze, every good laugh, and jumping a little too much can all add up to one horrible sensation . . . lack of bladder control. Now I KNOW I am not the only one who has this, so don't go thinking, "I don't have that, that can't be normal?". Yea, being 23 with the bladder control of my potty-training child can be a bit of a humbling experience.

A New Language

I was just thinking the other day about how my vocabulary really has changed since I became a mother.

First of all there is the term "blow-out". The first time I heard this phrase was when MaKenzie was about four weeks old and we were visiting the Mishlers here in San Franciosco. Their little girl was only a few months older than Kenzie, so Heather was a few months my senior in the motherhood business. MaKenzie created what I felt to be the "blow-out" of the century, and Heather said to me "Gotta love those blow-outs" - or something to that effect. I looked at her all confused and asked, "what's a blow-out?" Now I know the term that describes that disgusting bit of newborn nature - a blow-out - its very appropriate if you ask me. Just for your entertainment, here are some pictures of Garrett and I dealing with the results of a blow-out on the trunk of our car. My little sister was in the back of the car and found the entire situation absolutely hilarious, and she felt the need to take pictures of the incident. All I can say is just you wait Virginia, one day you too will be hoping you don't run out of wipes . . .

Then there is the nursing terminology. Only a nursing mother will know what you are referring to when you talk about the proper "latch" of the baby. Just a few weeks ago Garrett and I were going through the trauma of "nipple confusion" again. We were talking to my family on the webcam and they were asking how everyone was doing; Garrett reported that Jordyn had "nipple confusion", so it had been a rough few days trying to get her to "latch" back on again. Needless to say, a bit of translation was needed for my twenty year old sister, her boyfriend, and my parents.

Finally there is what I like to call "simple talk". A train is no longer a train, it is a "choo-choo". We no longer leave the house to go somewhere, we go "bye-bye". I just caught myself the other day asking my husband to pass me my "sippy" instead of asking for my water bottle. I don't call a movie a movie, it's a "show". And the list goes on and on and on . . . I wonder what new language I will learn as the mother of teenagers? That outta be interesting . . .

What They Never Told Me About Recovery

The top five things that I NEVER knew about recovery:

1. I would leak from every hole my body has! I know, I know, its SO gross. I sweat more than ever between nursing a baby on hot days and chasing a toddler around the house (why I need to exercise to get back into my old jeans is beyond me?). Then there is that runny nose that I got from my husband, who got it from our toddler, who got it from the nursery. They are both over the cold, but not me! Unfortunately my body requires rest in order to fully recover from a nasty cold and rest just isn't apart of my life right now. Then there are the boob leaks. Gotta love those moments when your nursing pad has soaked through leaving you with a good sized circle on your chest, and then there are those moments when your baby yanks off of you because your milk lets down too fast, this results in both of you being sprayed in the face and the soaking of both of your clothes. Oh, and lets not forget about the fact that you bleed for about six weeks postpartum and you can't wear a tampon! (I HATE pads - I feel like I'm in a diaper all day.) I'm just grateful that I am no longer vomiting . . .

2. Then there is nursing. All those books you read before you start to nurse really downplay the pain of nursing. They tell you you will experience "some pain" until your milk comes in. First of all, it isn't just until your milk comes in, secondly its not just "some pain", "some pain" sounds bearable. What they need to say is that you will be curling your toes, biting your tongue, squinting your eyes and wanting to yell out because not only does nursing create some painful contractions, but it also feels like someone is trying to twist your nipple off with a pair of pliers. Then there are those wonderful moments when your baby startles while nursing and rather than simply spitting your nipple out, they pull back while still chomping on you, stretching your nipple out like a rubber band - yeah, that hurts. We won't even start on the possibilities of blisters, bleeding, thrush, nipple confusion, and who knows what else.

3. The exhaustion. There is just nothing that compares to the exhaustion of a newborn.

4. Movement can be a little bit difficult for a few weeks. You must remember that you are recovering from a little body coming out of an even smaller hole. That creates some discomfort for your sitting and walking moments for the first few days (if you're lucky, many women go MUCH longer). The best is when your excited toddler runs to give you hug only to accidentally plow her little head into your crotch - that doesn't do much for the recovery (I was very grateful for strong pain medications at that moment).

5. You will most likely be an emotional wreck. Things that usually don't make you cry will make you sob, and things that usually don't make you angry will have you wanting to pull your hair out. And the entire time you are being irrational you will know that you are being irrational and that will make the tears come harder. You will all the while feel like you are the only human being going through this . . .

While this all sounds horrible, don't be discouraged - it is SO worth it. Seeing your baby smile, coo, laugh, crawl, and all that good stuff makes it all alright.

What They Never Told Me About Grooming

All right, this new section is dedicated to the "what they never told me" areas of motherhood. Now, I'm sure that there is someone out there that may say at times "No, I'm pretty sure I brought that up with Stephanie". So, apparently I was not listened well enough to the retain the information and I have decided to learn some lessons the hard way by living them in order to remember them.

This first "what they never told me" post is dedicated to grooming. No one ever told me that a shower would become a chore rather than a joy when I became a mother. No one ever told me that I would be scrambling many days just for those few blissful moments when I could quickly lather up the soap and wash and condition my hair. And no one ever told me how difficult it would be to find time for those few moments of bliss!

When I was single and shower a day was essential and two showers a day was just something I enjoyed doing at times. A shower is a way that I wind down. I am one of those people who like the water so hot that you can barely stand it and then the shower lasts until the water heater can't hold out any longer. (A waste, I know, but super relaxing at the end of a long day.) Now a shower a day is lucky. That's right ladies and gentlemen, as a mother I don't get a shower in every day. Gross and kind of embarrassing to admit, but I'm willing to bet that I am not the only one.

The problem is that with my first child I always had myself built up into such a ridiculous state of panic leaving the baby alone, even when she was asleep. The thought of "what if she wakes up and I can't hear her over the water?" was my constant concern. (Guess what? I learned that babies cry sometimes and that's OKAY! Who knew?) Having two has made the shower taking business a little bit trickier. My toddler now knows how to open doors, so the option of locking the baby in a bedroom while the toddler runs free is out. There is literally no place that I can lie the baby down without MaKenzie figuring out a way to get to the baby. MaKenzie will pile up toys or books or whatever so that she can get herself high enough to reach the baby. The second option I tried was using the childproof gate to lack Kenzie in a room. Well, the gate turns out not to be the most secure thing in the world due to the fact that our door frames are crooked (I love my little San Francisco apartment, but its in a very old building that is, well, crooked). So the few times I have tried this tactic MaKenzie throws a fit at the gate and stands on it which makes it falls down on top of her often squishing her and freaking her out even more. Once she is free of the gate she is once more available to attack the baby. The final problem presented itself when I decided to lock myself in the bathroom with the baby and leave the toddler free to romp about the house. This resulted in the biggest temper tantrum I have ever known MaKenzie to have. She was absolutely horrified at the fact that she had been locked out of the bathroom and the baby had been allowed to be in the bathroom with mommy. So now, I just take my showers when Garrett is home, which is always at the end of the day when I can think of a million other things that I'd like to get done now that I have another adult around to help.

So, to make an incredibly long story short, I don't shower every day and I don't think anyone notices, so I don't really care. If you had told me three years ago that I wouldn't care about going a day without a shower I would have laughed at you and said "yeah right". But, it is true. Motherhood just keeps you so busy with nursing, diaper changes, getting snacks, nursing, entertaining, running errands, nursing, and everything else that you just don't get around the shower thing every single day.