Desitin and the Monster Mom

There is so much about mommying that is so absolutely hilarious. It's just that sometimes it can take a week or two (or three) to find the humor. Sometimes my inability to see the humor instantly can really be something that I remorse.

One incident happened a few years ago when Jordyn was an infant and Kenzie was two years old. I was suffering from the craziness of sleep deprivation and after putting Jordyn down for a nap had gone to my own bed to lie down for a bit. What seemed like seconds later I was awakened my the soft voice and gentle tap of little Kenzie. Before I even fully awakened my nose had registered the unmistakable scent of Desitin ointment. As my eyes slowly opened I beheld the sight of my two year old caked in Desitin. I truly mean it when I say caked. I am talking thick layers of the stuff covering her face, her arms, her hands, and her legs.

Several thoughts seemed to simultaneously flash through my mind. For one, I registered a totally smiling delighted little girl. I vividly recall there really being a twinkle in her eyes. Not necessarily a twinkle of mischief, but of just total delight with life. I at first seemed to fully recognize that she was just a happy kid who did need a bit of a reprimand, but that I needed to stay calm. I also vividly remembering that I would forever regret it if I did not take a picture. I am ashamed to admit that my reaction wiped that enchanting expression off of her face and that the camera was never retrieved. I was so beside myself with exhaustion and all that I could think of was how long it was going to take to clean up that mess and how much less sleep I was going to get because of it.

MaKenzie's little face seemed to mirror my initial thoughts of amusement, then shock, then my frustration. Kenzie has always been very sensitive to the emotions of people around her, especially the people she loves. She was crying before I even said anything - simply because of the look on my face. I whipped out of bed and rushed her into the bathroom. I firmly let her know that she had done a big
"no-no" - but not too loudly, because in our little six-hundred and fifty square foot apartment I felt at that moment that I couldn't risk waking the baby. I quickly found my frustration building as I discovered that Desitin - being a heavily oil based product - is nigh impossible to remove. I went through several baby wipes without a lot of success (I distinctly remember thinking how outrageously stupid it was that the baby wipes didn't work seeing how they were designed to wipe the bottoms that you put the Desitin on in the first place.) I then resorted to the bath. By this point Kenzie was in total tears and was quite the pitiful sight as I stripped her clothes off to put her in the tub. I scrubbed and soaped her practically ignoring her tears.

At this point I knew I was overreacting. I could have gotten across the "no-no" message with so much more grace and I knew it. But I was caught up in a monster-mom moment and the recognition that I knew I should switch gears just seemed to add fuel to my fire. It took a lot of scrubbing to remove that stuff and it took two or three days of bathes to completely remove the oil from her hair.

I can honestly laugh at the sight of that Desitin caked two-year old now and really do remorse that I saw a mess instead of an opportunity to laugh. The more I learn about mothering, the more I recognize the need to expect these little disasters in life and to try to laugh when they inevitably occur. We can still teach the concept of a "no-no" with a bit of humor. We all have our monster-mom times, but I sure was reminded of some important lessons from my reaction to this little experience.

First, people are always more important that property. One of the things that I found myself crazed about during this little encounter with MaKenzie was that she had ruined one of my favorite little outfits that she was in that day. How silly of me. I could so easily have gotten off that bed and gently said, "Uh-oh honey, this is a no-no. Desitin is baby medicine. Now we need to go clean it up." After cleaning things up I could have shown her that empty tube of diaper cream and repeated, "this is a no-no, only for baby, okay?" The pure torture of removing the stuff from her body would have been plenty of consequence.

That leads me into a second lesson that this taught me. I really was so angry with myself for reacting the way that I did and really pondered on what I could do to prevent my monstrous outpours in the future. The answer came from realizing that it helps to picture in my mind what would have been the better reaction. It helps to visualize the ways that we can adequately respond to our children. A lot of circumstances are predicable because our kids tend to be creatures of habit. It is helpful to kind of imagine the best ways to respond, so that when the crisis occurs we have something more healthy to resort to other than the feelings of madness that can easily ensue.