Friday, May 15, 2009

Lessons on Uptightness

I am a situationally uptight person.  Getting ready for a finals week in collage made me uptight.  Getting ready for a camping trip and doing all I can to prepare, and then getting there only to realize I've forgotten something extremely important like the matches makes me uptight.  Having people over to my house for dinner and trying to get the house clean and the food ready can make me uptight.   I can get extremely uptight trying to get everyone to church on time on Sundays.   What's worse is that once I realize I am being uptight, I get more uptight because I feel guilty for being uptight in the first place.  Well, a few days ago I realized that things are starting to change . . . 

It occurred to me as I was sitting and nursing the baby one afternoon that things really have changed.  As I sat down to nurse and watch Aladdin for the 523rd time it clicked.  You see, our television is our toddlers favorite toy.  The buttons, the music, and the characters that that box contain are absolutely thrilling to her; so, naturally the screen is ALWAYS covered in toddler sized smudges.  About a year ago, this would have been a great cause for uptightness in my world.  I used to HATE glass smudges.  I cleaned all the mirrors in my house almost every day - windex was my best friend.  As I sat there looking at the TV I realized that it hadn't even occurred to me to care about the extremely dirty television (I think I even saw some peanut butter from the previous days lunch). 

Boy am I glad that some switch in my brain seems to have triggered so a less uptight mode.  Being uptight as a mother can only lead to disaster.   The TV is destined to ALWAYS be smeared in finger prints, the kitchen floor (particularly in the area where the toddler sits) will never be clean for more than three of four seconds, there will often be blow-outs and major spit-ups at the most inconvenient times, and your toddler will throw temper tantrums in public places.  For someone like me who seems to be programmed to stress out over such nonsense, I am proud to say that these moments of  motherhood don't seem to affect me like they should.  I can't say I'm perfect, I definitely have my snapping moments; but I seem to be getting better with time . . .   
 


1 comment:

Jamie said...

I totally know what you mean! I have learned that it's okay to smell like spit-up or not shower til 3pm. The important thing is just to spend time with our little guy. :) I used to hate being dirty, couldn't stand the house being a mess, etc., but now I'm learning to just let go. Pretty funny how things re-prioritize themselves with parenthood. :)