What They Never Told Me About Grooming

All right, this new section is dedicated to the "what they never told me" areas of motherhood. Now, I'm sure that there is someone out there that may say at times "No, I'm pretty sure I brought that up with Stephanie". So, apparently I was not listened well enough to the retain the information and I have decided to learn some lessons the hard way by living them in order to remember them.

This first "what they never told me" post is dedicated to grooming. No one ever told me that a shower would become a chore rather than a joy when I became a mother. No one ever told me that I would be scrambling many days just for those few blissful moments when I could quickly lather up the soap and wash and condition my hair. And no one ever told me how difficult it would be to find time for those few moments of bliss!

When I was single and shower a day was essential and two showers a day was just something I enjoyed doing at times. A shower is a way that I wind down. I am one of those people who like the water so hot that you can barely stand it and then the shower lasts until the water heater can't hold out any longer. (A waste, I know, but super relaxing at the end of a long day.) Now a shower a day is lucky. That's right ladies and gentlemen, as a mother I don't get a shower in every day. Gross and kind of embarrassing to admit, but I'm willing to bet that I am not the only one.

The problem is that with my first child I always had myself built up into such a ridiculous state of panic leaving the baby alone, even when she was asleep. The thought of "what if she wakes up and I can't hear her over the water?" was my constant concern. (Guess what? I learned that babies cry sometimes and that's OKAY! Who knew?) Having two has made the shower taking business a little bit trickier. My toddler now knows how to open doors, so the option of locking the baby in a bedroom while the toddler runs free is out. There is literally no place that I can lie the baby down without MaKenzie figuring out a way to get to the baby. MaKenzie will pile up toys or books or whatever so that she can get herself high enough to reach the baby. The second option I tried was using the childproof gate to lack Kenzie in a room. Well, the gate turns out not to be the most secure thing in the world due to the fact that our door frames are crooked (I love my little San Francisco apartment, but its in a very old building that is, well, crooked). So the few times I have tried this tactic MaKenzie throws a fit at the gate and stands on it which makes it falls down on top of her often squishing her and freaking her out even more. Once she is free of the gate she is once more available to attack the baby. The final problem presented itself when I decided to lock myself in the bathroom with the baby and leave the toddler free to romp about the house. This resulted in the biggest temper tantrum I have ever known MaKenzie to have. She was absolutely horrified at the fact that she had been locked out of the bathroom and the baby had been allowed to be in the bathroom with mommy. So now, I just take my showers when Garrett is home, which is always at the end of the day when I can think of a million other things that I'd like to get done now that I have another adult around to help.

So, to make an incredibly long story short, I don't shower every day and I don't think anyone notices, so I don't really care. If you had told me three years ago that I wouldn't care about going a day without a shower I would have laughed at you and said "yeah right". But, it is true. Motherhood just keeps you so busy with nursing, diaper changes, getting snacks, nursing, entertaining, running errands, nursing, and everything else that you just don't get around the shower thing every single day.

Kenzisms - Wuvs Siser

Every morning when I am done nursing Jordyn, Kenzie loves to come and sit by me and have me put Jordyn in her lap. The look that Kenzie has on her face when she is holding Jordyn is absolutely priceless. She seems to know that she is holding someone very special and straight from heaven. She always pats her softly and gives her lots of kisses. This morning she looked at me and said "Insi wuvs siser" (translation: "Kenzie loves sister") Its moments like these that make all the crazy moments well worth it!

Mess #3,254 and counting . . .

While I was nursing the baby today (these stories seem to always start with "when I was nursing the baby") I once more made the mistake of leaving the bedroom door open AND not locking Kenzie in the living room with our child-proof gate (Why did I buy the stupid thing if all I do is forget to use it?) Anyway, my forgetfulness led to the worst mess yet. All the other messes up to this point have been cleanable for the most part (although, diaper rash ointment is a hard one to remove). Kenzie came walking into the living room holding none other than my bleaching pen and asking for wipes so that she could clean up her messes. Oh yes, I really wanted to scream this time! Probably wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't wearing her brand new clothes that I got her for her birthday! The floor in the bedroom was also bleached, but I'm not so concerned about that seeing how there were already several bleach stains on the carpet when we moved in. Oh well, it's my own fault to have left a bleaching pen withing the reach of a two year old, but nevertheless it was still quite frustrating . . .

Sleep Deprived

I've talked to several moms about this topic and I am always surprised to hear the phrase, "Oh, you just get used to it." I am yet to figure out HOW one just gets used to having sleep in two and three hour increments for months on end. I am on week four and I don't see myself getting used to it any time soon!

The worst part is that half of the sleep deprivation is not the newborns fault. That's right - my toddler has decided to make two and three am wake-up calls in between the wake up calls of Jordyn! Kenzie has her final molars coming through and this has amounted to some major screaming in the early morning hours. Garrett and I don't know what to do. The neighbors have let us know that they never hear Jordyn, but they frequently are awakened by Kenzie - so this makes letting Kenzie cry it out very uncomfortable. The thing is that as soon as we walk into her bedroom the screaming stops. She isn't even really crying, she is just screaming our names at the top of her lungs and whining as loudly as possible. Last night her screaming woke up Jordyn (which is hard considering that the kid sleeps through the vacuum cleaner, diaper changes, and even slept the the beginning of a bath one day). We are at our wits end with Kenzie! This has been going on for about ten days now and Garrett and I are absolute zombies.

The worst is the mood that sleep deprivation leaves me in. It is so hard to be patient and upbeat when I'm only getting three and four hours of sleep at night. I just keep telling myself that "this too shall pass" but right now it seems like no end is in sight . . .

Kenzisms - A Few Favorites

A few phrases and words from our gal Kenzie:

"Dashshshshsh" This can mean, I want to be Dash, I want to watch Dash, or she wants you to be Dash. Our girl is obsessed with Dash. She would watch his movie three times a day if I let her! Dash really does come in handy though. For example, today while I was trying to open the elevator while juggling an infant car seat with a wailing baby inside, all the mail, and a diaper bag that was slipping off of my shoulder, MaKenzie decided to use the keys on every mail box in the lobby. I tried to get her to come get in the elevator, but she was much to preoccupied with the keys and the mailboxes. I then exitedly exclaimed "Kenzie, be Dash!" and she promplty responded by running as fast as she could into the elevator. While I want to burn the movie after having seen it so many times, Dash is a great babysitter and a great motivator for destracted toddlers!

"E-I-E-I-OOOOO" Kenzie loves to sing and this is one of her favorite songs. I love it when she sings it because she always makes the "O" last forever and it cracks me up.

"Siser ni-ni agin?" or "Siser sna agin?" This stands for "Sister is night-night (or asleep) again?" and "Sister snacking (or eating) again?" She has quickly figured out that sister just doesn't do much these days.

A Mother of Two

I can't lie, being the mother of two has thrown me a lot more curve balls than I ever anticipated. The pure exhuastion that comes with a newborn just doesn't mix well with the never ending energy of a toddler. The last three weeks have been a trial of patience and emotional stability (any new mom knows what I mean by emotional stability - those moments of breaking into sobbing tears over silly things that you know wouldn't be bothering you if you had had more than two hours of sleep the night before . . . ) I have learned a few lessons from this crazy transition that I don't want to forget:

Lesson #1: Just laugh, it really is good for the soul. One thing that has been tried and tested every day since we had Jordyn is our patience, and we have found laughter to be a helpful remedy for moments of frustration.

MaKenzie has created a few messess in the last few weeks that made me want to pull my hair out and scream at first, but Garrett and I have just learned to laugh, clean it up, and move on. Here are two of the most recent messess:

For MaKenzie's second birthday her Grandma Voeks got her a tea set that she absolutely adores. This tea set is the best non-human babysitter that I could have ever asked for. (Well, Walt Disney videos are a definate competitor when it comes to the "non-human babysitter") Anywho, Kenzie will play with this tea set for hours. Any friends who come to the house to visit are always graciously offered several cups of tea.

Well, yesterday while I was nursing the baby Kenzie was sitting right in front of me with her back to me watching TV and playing with her tea set. She also had her sippy cup full of milk. I'm sure you can all put two and two together . . . Yes, my bright daughter decided that she needed some real liquid to fill her tea cups so she decided to take big sips of milk from her sippy and spit them into the cups and kettle of her tea set. I didn't catch onto the fun until the carpet, the toddler, and the tea cups were full of milk.

My first feeling was frustration. It was right before nap time and I had just changed her diaper in preparation for nap. The baby was fussy and I had a lot of management duties to tend to at that moment as well. So now I had a fussy baby, management duties, a toddler to change into dry clothes and a dry diaper, a floor to clean up, and a tea set to clean. So, I said quick prayer to avoid frustration and who should call but my dad? I explained the situation to him and he found great humor in the situation helping me to see the humor and laugh as well. My dad just saw his granddaughter as being smart . . . Mom didn't provide any real liquid for the tea, so she did.

Our second moment that left us wanting to pull out our hair occurred a few weeks ago when Kenzie found the baby lotion. I was nursing and Garrett was cleaning the kitchen and Kenzie was left to wonder at her own free will. After about ten or fifteen minutes of nursing I had that all to familiar, yet uncomfortable feeling that the house was too quite. I called to Garrett to ask if he could see Kenzie. We both began looking for her only to find her sitting on the floor in the nursery in a puddle of lotion. There was lotion in her hair, in huge globs all over her legs, lotion on the crib, you get the picture . . . The good news is that our nursery carpet is super soft and smells like baby lotion. :)

So, while these moments can be frustrating because all they seem to look like at the time is another huge mess to clean up, there really is a lot of humor to be had. Laughing rather than yanking Kenzie into time-out has been very helpful for everyone.

Lesson #2: Remember the joyful moments of the day. At the end of the day when I am in bed trying to settle in for a few precious hours of sleep I try to remember the joyful moments of the day. Most days this last week have been extremely difficult. This was my first week without any extra adult help which meant a lot less rest for me, which also meant I was more irritable and emotional. I have found a lot of relief in just remembering the precious moments of the day. Just those little things like MaKenzie giving Jordyn a kiss on the forehead, or Garrett coming home with a smile on his face and dinner in his hands. They're nothing huge, but help me to remember how much I really do love being a mother and how much I love the people I serve each day.

Lesson #3: Me time. Going from the mother of two to the mother of one puts a big damper on the amount of "me time" a woman has. By the end of the first weeks I was just so drained. As Garrett and I discussed ways to help me keep it together during these next few weeks and months he suggested that I be sure to get a few hours of me time in each week. This is time when I am free of the girls to do whatever I want.

At first I was almost confused by this idea. I regrettfully say that it's been a while since I have pursued any of my hobbies. I can't tell you the last time I picked up my flute, my guitar, or just sat at the piano. I can't tell you how long it's been since I did some good scrapbooking, and a lot of the books that I love to read are still in a box in storage. I have shamefully let some of my great talents tall to the wayside. So when Garrett suggested this it was really quite refreshing. Not only do I walk away from "me time" feeling refreshed and energized and ready to be a better mom, but I am also doing things that I really love to do. Motherhood is really the most demanding job anyone could have. There is always something to be done for someone in the household and its been easy for me to get so cuaght up in everyone elses needs that I forget about some of my own.

Lesson #4: When it comes down to it, motherhood is the job I always wanted and it's the best job ever. Just yesterday Kenzie woke up from a nap early so I went in to get her and we curled up on the couch together and she fell asleep in my arms. Jordyn was fast asleep in the crib next to us. While I looked at my sleeping girls I was overcome with awe and love for these two little beings that Heavenly Father has entrusted to me. I began to think about the day, which had basocally been one of the most trying days of my entire motherhood existence. As I thought I realized that motherhood is the only job EVER that can be so physically, emotionally, and spiritually demanding. It gives numerous daily opportunities to be patient, loving, understaning, and to render service. There is no other job that can give so many opportunities to practice the greatest characteristics that so many of us seek to aquire. I want nothing more than to be a patient, loving, understaning person - and motherhood gives me a chance to work on these qualities every day. It's not easy, and some days it doesn't feel like its worth it; but it is the job I always wanted and it's the best job ever!

Toddler Moments

Sometimes motherhood seems to be filled with never ending moments of worry. It's quite silly and usually a waste of time, but I think we are all guilty of being worrisome from time to time - it just comes with the job. My latest worries have been induced by toddler hood. I am now the mother of a full blown toddler. There is no more baby left in Kenzie anymore. While I still call her my baby and will have a hard time thinking of her otherwise she is definitely growing into a little girl. She runs instead of waddling, she whines instead of crying, she talks instead of babbling, and she is the most curious little gal ever. Sometimes this toddler hood can translate to a mom who wants to pull her hair out because if all those things come together in one moment you have a child who is running, whining, talking, and being curious all at the same time.

My most recent motherhood worry comes from the whining department. Kenzie rarely seems to express herself without whining about what it is that she needs. More often than not I can't entirely understand what it is that she is complaining about which leads to more whining. Garrett and I have learned a lot of patience in the last few weeks. Often by the end of the day our first instinct is to just want to put her in her crib and cry and whine all night long; but we've learned to get down on her level and try to talk to her about what is going on. It can take some time and effort at times, but we usually end up with a happier toddler that way. It's amazing what a prayer, a deep breath, and some patience can do for you. It's really helped me in all of my relationships with people. Let's face it, there are other people besides toddlers that we would like to just lock in a crib at times and let them whine it out, but that's just not realistic. So, dealing with Kenzie has really helped me to be patient with other difficult personalities that we often find ourselves dealing with (we won't mention any names).

Anyway, my second worry involves our recent entry into nursery. It seems that Kenzie has a knack for being a silent instigator of trouble in the nursery. She often quietly approaches other kids and silently takes their toys or pushes them aside to get to what she wants which always leads that kid into a temper tantrum or a full out attack on Kenzie (which I don't feel bad about - she has it coming). Anyway, this just worries me! Garrett assures me that all kids this age just don't know how to share yet and are very one tract minded in getting what they want - which I know is true; however, when it is your baby being the instigator it worries me a lot more! It really makes for funny stories further down the road, but right now I don't want my kid of be a bully! I try not to talk like this in front of MaKenzie because if I am always expressing my worries that she is a bully or unkind she is more likely to believe that. For now I know that I just have to know that "this too shall pass" . . .

On a lighter note, this stage of childhood is SO much fun to watch. I am SO grateful for the blessing that I have in being a stay at home mom and getting so see every moment of our kids lives develop. Kenzie loves to pretend play lately. She pushes her dollies in the stroller, wraps them up in blankets and puts them down for naps, puts them on the potty, and even places them in time-out. She loves to dress up in my shoes, necklaces, and hair things and then prance around the house singing. Her newest obsession is taking on and off her own shoes and socks, she is not very good at it - but not a day goes by when I don't find her shoes ans socks drawer all over the floor with her in the middle of the pile trying on her "choos" and "gocks". Her vocabulary seems to grow every day. There are still many words that I don't understand - which can lead to upset toddler at times - but we are slowly figuring out how to communicate. Her favorite words right now seem to be "mine" and "no" - once again, we know we have a toddler on our hands! :) It's fun to have a little kid around that you can really play with now. She'll chase us around and then we chase her around while she squeals in delight. She loves piggy back rides and really enjoys the park. She has a huge obsession with everything Elmo and everything Nemo, which is also entertaining to watch as well.

Anyway, I have been on the computer too long and Kenzie is begging to go "side" (outside). I promised her a trip to the library and the park this morning so it looks like we better get going. She is currently trying to shoves shoes on my feet in attempts to get me going. Gotta love it! :)